nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
