..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
