I could make wine with my vomit
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need to calm my uterus...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
