In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
