Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
