God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize