SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
