i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
