Don't make out with my wife yet
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
