Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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