Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
