WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
