I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
