So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
