I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
