I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I deserve this hangover.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
