there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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