somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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