the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
