Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
