Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
