So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
