DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize