also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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