You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
