I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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