So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am spending my child support on dildos
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
