Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
