I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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