Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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