just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
