i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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