sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
