I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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