He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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