I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
