Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Drake has all the answers
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
