Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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