One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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