Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
