I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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