So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
