When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
