I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
