I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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