Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
