I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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