An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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