Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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