I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
