We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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