I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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