just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
