I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
