I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
