I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
