Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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