yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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