just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
