Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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