and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
