nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
