She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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