I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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