Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
