Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
