If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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