Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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