its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
