It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
