before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize