I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize