Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
