I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
