I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
